Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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