The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it's like iHOP with fire
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
