omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
