Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
