he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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