oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
