there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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