I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
