You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
