I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
