Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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