i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
