I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
