Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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