Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
