Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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