I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
