I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
