I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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