He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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