You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
