We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
