they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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