Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
