I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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