but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
