It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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