The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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