If i come over, it means nothing
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My life is pants optional.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
