I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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