Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
