I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
