i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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