i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
