hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
