First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
