we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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