oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
