News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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