you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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