tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is wine microwaveable?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
