ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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