he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
