he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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