Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
