He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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