About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
