been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
