I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
