I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
