I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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