I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
love makes seman taste better
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
