I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
