Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
