Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
