I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
