i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
